Who's News.
Boy, try as I might I just couldn’t muster the hate this week. Maybe I’m going soft. Maybe I’m just over-stressed from the prospect of returning to school this week. Whatever, this may be the first Who’s News in history to feature not one f-bomb.
To reiterate, these are real letters scrawled by real readers to the celebrity Q & A section of USA Weekend: Who’s News.
What do you know about Rhona Mitra, the sultry detective on "Nip/Tuck?" ‑ Lance Samuelson, Oakland, CA
Well, for starters, I know she’s not a sultry detective, but a sultry actress. I realize you think you’re watching reality television, Lance, but it remains as make-believe as Mr. Roger’s world. And oddly enough, as illustrated in this photo, the Nip/Tuck star has had a little nipping and tucking done herself, adding a couple doses of make-believe to her own physique.
Usually I take the opportunity of the end of my answer to utterly shred any remaining dignity of the letter-writer, Lance, but I’m going to do something unprecedented in the annals of Who’s News: I’m going to give you a pass. Why? Because your letter gave me my first exposure to Rhona Mitra. And I like it.
I miss the character Kate, who was written out of "NCIS." Can you tell me why she's gone? ‑ Paul Richards, Horseheads, NY
NOTE: The following answer was provided by The Real Mark Harmon. I knew he’d come through. He can come across as a bit arrogant, but I think we can all give him a pass if only because of his excellent work as a thespian.
I'll tell you why Kate got written off, you juvenile titty twisters! Because we're a team and she didn't fit the team mold! That's right! She was a cankerous, cantankerous sore on the weasel putz of life! I PERSONALLY gave her the heave-ho! It was like slopping Peppermint Preparation H on a boiling anal wound! It felt great, Paul, and you know what? If I could have butt-sex with anyone in the world, it would be Angie Harmon, that two-faced hag! Thanks for asking!
What ever happened to Lisa Beamer, wife of Todd Beamer, who was on Flight 93 when it crashed in Pennsylvania on Sept. 11, 2001? ‑ Cindy Edwards, Sun City West, AZ
Lisa Beamer, who staved off her grief long enough to attempt copywriting the phrase “Let’s roll,” has embarked upon several business opportunities. She opened a bakery called “Let’s Roll;” an actor’s studio called “Let’s Role;” a skate park called "Let's Rollerblade;" and a health-conscious deli featuring wraps called “Lettuce Roll.” She's also in negotiations to endorse an antacid, the theme of the campaign being "Let's Rolaids."
As Beamer recently said while interviewed on NBC’s Today show, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When terrorists kill your husband, make a killing.”
With a new "American Idol" getting underway, I got to wondering: What happened to Bo Bice, who was runner-up to Carrie Underwood last time? ‑ Mary Victors, Colfax, WI
You’re kidding me, right? For God’s sake, Mary, I can’t walk by a Sam Goody store without a life-sized cardboard cutout of Bo Bice staring me in the face. My first reaction is always that I’m either being stalked by the scary Oak Ridge Boy or that a wayward Yeti, buzzed from use of medicinal marijuana, accidentally stumbled into the mall.
Here’s a fun matching game. Match the following names with the pictures:
1. Bo Bice
2. Scary Oak Ridge Boy
3. Yeti
4. Rhona Mitra
Wow, my most heartfelt apologies. Money problems, stress and lack of sleep obviously wreak havoc on the cynicism center of my brain. Hopefully things will straighten themselves out soon so that next week we can get back to some good, old-fashioned vitriol.
To reiterate, these are real letters scrawled by real readers to the celebrity Q & A section of USA Weekend: Who’s News.
What do you know about Rhona Mitra, the sultry detective on "Nip/Tuck?" ‑ Lance Samuelson, Oakland, CAWell, for starters, I know she’s not a sultry detective, but a sultry actress. I realize you think you’re watching reality television, Lance, but it remains as make-believe as Mr. Roger’s world. And oddly enough, as illustrated in this photo, the Nip/Tuck star has had a little nipping and tucking done herself, adding a couple doses of make-believe to her own physique.
Usually I take the opportunity of the end of my answer to utterly shred any remaining dignity of the letter-writer, Lance, but I’m going to do something unprecedented in the annals of Who’s News: I’m going to give you a pass. Why? Because your letter gave me my first exposure to Rhona Mitra. And I like it.
I miss the character Kate, who was written out of "NCIS." Can you tell me why she's gone? ‑ Paul Richards, Horseheads, NYNOTE: The following answer was provided by The Real Mark Harmon. I knew he’d come through. He can come across as a bit arrogant, but I think we can all give him a pass if only because of his excellent work as a thespian.
I'll tell you why Kate got written off, you juvenile titty twisters! Because we're a team and she didn't fit the team mold! That's right! She was a cankerous, cantankerous sore on the weasel putz of life! I PERSONALLY gave her the heave-ho! It was like slopping Peppermint Preparation H on a boiling anal wound! It felt great, Paul, and you know what? If I could have butt-sex with anyone in the world, it would be Angie Harmon, that two-faced hag! Thanks for asking!
What ever happened to Lisa Beamer, wife of Todd Beamer, who was on Flight 93 when it crashed in Pennsylvania on Sept. 11, 2001? ‑ Cindy Edwards, Sun City West, AZ
Lisa Beamer, who staved off her grief long enough to attempt copywriting the phrase “Let’s roll,” has embarked upon several business opportunities. She opened a bakery called “Let’s Roll;” an actor’s studio called “Let’s Role;” a skate park called "Let's Rollerblade;" and a health-conscious deli featuring wraps called “Lettuce Roll.” She's also in negotiations to endorse an antacid, the theme of the campaign being "Let's Rolaids."
As Beamer recently said while interviewed on NBC’s Today show, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When terrorists kill your husband, make a killing.”
With a new "American Idol" getting underway, I got to wondering: What happened to Bo Bice, who was runner-up to Carrie Underwood last time? ‑ Mary Victors, Colfax, WIYou’re kidding me, right? For God’s sake, Mary, I can’t walk by a Sam Goody store without a life-sized cardboard cutout of Bo Bice staring me in the face. My first reaction is always that I’m either being stalked by the scary Oak Ridge Boy or that a wayward Yeti, buzzed from use of medicinal marijuana, accidentally stumbled into the mall.
Here’s a fun matching game. Match the following names with the pictures:
1. Bo Bice
2. Scary Oak Ridge Boy
3. Yeti
4. Rhona Mitra
Forget about Bo Bice, Mary. It’s over for Bo Bice. Bo Bice will be back to selling tambourines, tasseled jackets and bongs at the flea market soon enough. It’s all about Carrie Underwood at this point. And Rhona Mitra.
Wow, my most heartfelt apologies. Money problems, stress and lack of sleep obviously wreak havoc on the cynicism center of my brain. Hopefully things will straighten themselves out soon so that next week we can get back to some good, old-fashioned vitriol.
posted by Admin Worm at 3:38 PM
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