Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed.

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION
Earlier in the week I blogged briefly about how I drove to work on the morning of the lunar eclipse, and spent a full half hour staring at a basketball-sized moon, so huge that the craters were clearly visible to the naked eye, the earth’s shadow carving out a portion of the moon's luminescence.

Today I saw this story about how a United States company is selling property on the moon. The entrepreneur behind this travesty—I mean, business—is named Dennis Hope. He has found a “loophole” in a 1967 U.N. treaty banning governments from owning extraterrestrial property. The treaty does not ban individuals or, more importantly, corporations, from staking claims on the moon. So it's a lunar land rush.

Last year I wrote a lengthy research paper on space exploration for a Composition class. In that paper, I stressed that space exploration is not only mankind’s one shot at long-term survival, but also the best way for humankind to finally leave labels at home and actually pursue a goal...together...that might actually leave a lasting legacy. Sure this reeks of sitting around the campfire singing Kumbaya, but I'm growing tired of mud-slinging.

Now, what I see on the horizon now are moon condos. Moon McDonald’s. Moon malls and amusement parks where spoiled rich kids like Paris Hilton can visit on the weekends, moon illegal aliens serving her drinks with umbrellas in them. Millions of years from now, when our species has long since (mercifully) died out, archaeologists from distant galaxies will sift through the remains of our “civilization,” both on the earth and the moon, and discover that we were a selfish, money-grubbing, twisted anomaly in an otherwise beautiful universe. We slapped a price tag on absolutely everything and squandered away any chance we had of proving to extra-terrestrials, to God, to ourselves, that we at least tried to do the right thing.

I foresee an inordinate number of comments stating “That’s what Capitalism is all about, Charlie Brown,” and I ask you to spare me. Allow me this day to mourn for the fact that the very same moon I viewed with absolute awe earlier in the week is already becoming another chunk of valuable real estate for sale to the highest bidder.

MOVIES
If you're in the market for good, wholesome family entertainment this weekend, might I make a couple of suggestions:

National Lampoon’s Barely Legal
Underage kids start a pornographic movie business! The advertisement features a hot, scantily-clad (faceless) woman squeezing her gigantic boobies together. Looks like the feminist movement still has its work cut out for it. This film just exudes hijinks, and hopefully it will reign at the box office, or will at least beat movies like Good Night and Good Luck and Capote that feature...yaaaawwwwn...acting and plots and other features that American movie audiences clearly aren't interested in.

Kids in America
Like Barely Legal, Kids in America's promotional shot features a scantily-clad young lady, and like the Barely Legal chick there's no need for her to have a face: a crotch will do, in this case a young, teenaged midriff in a cheerleading skirt. Gentlemen, here's a web-surfing tip from your old buddy Admin Worm: why risk incarceration surfing for bona fide child pornography? The sexualization of underage girls is just a click away on mainstream sites like those above! And since, as I mentioned, the females pictured have no faces, you can imagine a face as young as you like atop that supple, unsullied body.