Take this job and love it.

Let's move away from the cycle of hate and intolerance, and instead focus on happy things, like my job.

Wait, shit...I hate that too.

My current administrative position primarily involves two things: reception and accounting. I was talking to a co-worker this morning, and told him the two things I hate most about my job are answering the phones and crunching numbers.

Dammit, that's all I do.

Not that phones are a huge deal. I actually like talking to people, the problem is when you work with people who...how do I put this...procrastinate, it gets to be a full-time job explaining to clients that "Your project is extremely important to us, and I realize it was due last week, but as soon as we wrap up the projects that were due the week before that, we'll plunge into yours wholeheartedly. Next week."

Click.

As far as the numbers, I'm hopeless. Thankfully my boss has a great sense of humor. Rather than get angry with me for my seemingly inexhaustible capacity to miscalculate payroll, accounts payable, and accounts receivable, she has instead learned to appreciate the sheepish grin that instantly communicates that "Believe it or not, I've done it again." We share a laugh, she uses her executive privilege to erase any vestiges of my mistake(s), and I try again.

And again. And again. And again. And her smile becomes a grimace, and I can hear the machinations in her brain, "Would it be cheaper to train his replacement, or roll the dice that he'll get it right sometime this week?"

As a ten-year veteran of the administrative biz, I can tell you without question that the best part of my job is the mini binder clips. I live for mini binder clips. A fresh package of mini binder clips makes it Christmas every day. It's a tiny box, maybe one inch by two, and when you pop the lid and see the clips resting in there so peacefully and symmetrically; it’s like stumbling upon a dozing litter of twelve tiny, identical kittens. And they’re useful too, like for clipping together lists of clients we’ve blown off today, or accounting stuff Admin Worm has fucked up.

It could be worse. Much worse. My pal Jules is a receptionist at a collections firm, so you can imagine the type of stuff she endures. She’s incredibly good-natured about it; much more than I would or could be. My problem is I take every angry call as a personal rejection. Sometimes after they hang up on me, I call them back and say “Look, I know we’ve sorta screwed you over, but…you still like me, right?”

Click. Fuck.

I hope and pray this is the last office job I ever hold. Don't get me wrong; it's a great way to make a living. Where else can you put in a hard day’s work without ever really breaking a sweat? Still, when I’m on my third attempt at balancing the day’s bank deposit—it’s three freaking checks, Admin Worm; pull your head out of your ass—and I look outside and realize it’s one of the few remaining perfect Autumn days before the temperatures plummet and the snow flies, I start to realize that there’s a void in my life that even a limitless supply of mini binder clips cannot fill.